i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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