I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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