Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
