i permit you to call me
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
