You're my little dorito
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Randomize
