Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
