the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
