I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
