We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
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