Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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