Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
