I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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