Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
