I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
zippers are such a cool invention
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize