I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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