I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
