Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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