Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
