remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
