i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
