His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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