SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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