is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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