hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
is it fun? or sober?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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