apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
