i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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