I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Randomize
