She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
