remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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