3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
