I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
