Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
