if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I think I sprained my soul last night
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I'm getting married
To pizza
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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