i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Randomize
