I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
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