Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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