Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
