That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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