i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
