Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
