I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
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