After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
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