made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
