He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
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