I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
