the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
