well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
organizing the empties. That sober.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
A+ Viking dick
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
