He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
