When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
