I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
