pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
