You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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