I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Randomize
