I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
