Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
True strength comes from lack of pants
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize