Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
