I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
