He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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