peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
