i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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