If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
