You smell like stripper and shame
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
