Dude my mom stole all your condoms
my phone needs a breathalizer
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Randomize
