franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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