Well douche your snatch and let's go!
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
