the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
