I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
